41

You would have been 41 today Aunt Tresa,  but I am so thankful for the 40 years you got to live here on earth. You lived way longer than any of us, even the doctors, expected. Your light shined so brightly, your love for Jesus and your love for others was such a blessing to so many people. It is incredible to think that you are in Heaven now, free of pain and in your glorified body. Having this reassurance has made losing you slightly easier, but it isn't easy not having you here. The selfish me would give anything to come home, walk into Gram's house, see your smiling face and give you a huge kiss...you loved giving kisses. I loved giving you them and holding your hand. Though, the thing I wish I could do the most is go back to last year and stop in before my wedding and see you, you were sick and it was cold so you didn't get to come.

My Aunt Tresa passed away August of last year, it was one of the most life shattering events that has happened to me yet in my life. It was the first death I experienced to someone so close to me. She suffered from severe cerebral palsy her whole life and her life had been declining for many years.  I think a part of all of us denied that fact for a really long time, I know I did. I remember coming home in July and she was fine, flying out and getting a call that she had to be admitted to the ICU from not being able to breathe. I remember waiting weeks for her to get better, and she never did. I remember the phone call that made me drop everything buy a ticket that same second to fly home to see her one last time because I knew in my heart she wasn't going to ever recover. I rushed to the hospital and was one of the last people to see her fully conscious before she drifted into unconsciousness. I stayed at the hospital 3 whole days and nights until she passed. I will never forget seeing my Aunt standing at the end of the hall way as we all entered the wing from having lunch..."She's gone" the rush of family members to her room, and I swear to you I never ran so fast out of anywhere. My gram was smoking a cigarette, she knew, no one had to tell her, but somehow I got chosen to. The pain inside that I felt will forever hurt when I saw her lifeless body, I couldn't breathe and had to be taken out of the room. Then, however, we all stood around her holding hands and praying...and suddenly overcome with joy and peace. God's presence was with us that whole week, but especially that day in that moment.  

I never looked at her like she was different, she wasn't, she was my Aunt. We all loved her, everyone that knew her loved her. She was so special to all of our lives. She was life changing...to know her is to know the affect she had on all of us. The joy on her face at all times was so inspiring. To see someone who literally had nothing, couldn't walk, couldn't speak, had to be fed...to see them so happy and loving all the time was incredible. She changed my life, she changed the way I looked at life. The way she loved holidays because it was everyone together, the way she loved Jesus, the way she loved going shopping...I will forever miss the smile on her face because of them. Holidays, shopping trips, and family dinners will never be the same. Her "spot" at my grams is empty, and it is weird. I always expect her to be sleeping, but her bed isn't even there. It is weird, and it will probably always be weird. I never want to forget her, and I never want the affect she had on anyone to be forgotten. 

 

I miss coming over and watching What's Eating Gilbert Grape, Sunday dinners, girls shopping days, Idlewild and riding the train with you, you being mean to Aunt Joanne for no reason, and your big smile every time anyone came through the door. You will never be forgotten, always missed. I am so thankful to have had you in my life for as long as I did. You were the most incredible person I knew...and I mean that with my whole heart. I can't wait to be reunited with you in Heaven someday, I can't wait to see your smiling face. I love you forever. Happy birthday.